So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
