If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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