this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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