Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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