You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
