i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
