Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
