i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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