He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
