I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
