I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
