Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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