i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
BRING THE BAGELS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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