Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
