"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
