theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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