I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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