It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize