Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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