Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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