Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
