I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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