I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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