Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
