Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
