My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
