oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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