I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
