he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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