what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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