you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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