I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
