I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
