ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
