I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
