hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
