Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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