the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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