I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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