I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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