i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize