I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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