So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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