I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
