your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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