Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
