I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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