If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
