She is in my trunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
