Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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