the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
