Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
