i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
