Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
