I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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