apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
