I am midnight drunk by noon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
