I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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