Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
