I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
