He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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