I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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