I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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