READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
